Wasn't it Rabbit who said.

G'day Humans.

I've had a slight problem this week, I haven't found anything negative to write about. Therefore I haven't posted anything ! Now that in itself is negative I would say.

One thing that's traversed my tiny mind this week though, when its finally time to sleep eternally in the faux cherrywood box, what will I have left behind as my ever lasting stain on human literary conscience. A book takes too long and I don't see myself delivering a knockout speech in the near or distant future. You may mock but Its not an easy road to being clever. I thought a quote would be a good thing to leave behind, something others could use for effect as if it was their own.

Therein of course, lays the first problem, when your not needing a quote, quotes don't just jump up and present themselves. So I thunk real hard and I did come up with one that was by percentage far better than all the rest, you can use and spread this gem at your whim,

"when man sells his soul he sells the souls of all mankind"

Just remember to subscript it with. Oakley, Peter 2004

It screens madness.

Humans.

Could someone please tell me why I pay the debt of a small nation for fifty channels of repeated rubbish only to have to sit through as many ads as free to air television. I've given up the chance of home ownership so I can divert the funds to pay for high speed cable internet only to have every web site I visit and ninety percent of the mail in my inbox spewing more advertisements at me.

Fear not Saddam, Osama, Bush or Howard for these are mere mortals, we have evil incarnate walking the earth, resplendent in beautifully tailored suits, sluiced back hair and wearing next years must have pair of the sponsors pearl white, air suspended, gel pumped, mp3 playing, retro styled, titanium braced running shoe. Somehow in my post apocalyptic frenetic media led buying spree I didn't notice that I was coerced into purchasing my advertisements instead of being treated like royalty for sparing some of my precious time and stopping to view a scant few seconds of commercial producement for free.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't work in an Ad agency.

Double Latte and a NY Bagel please.

Hello Humans.

Some days are just for living, a sunny day in Melbourne in winter can be inspiring or the perfect foil for a day of inaction, today was a bit of both.

Best buddy and all round good person Anner invited me for coffee and a chance to walk the dogs several days earlier weather permitting, with promises of great food, dog friendly cafe and the knowledge that we'd not met for a caffeine confidential in eons there was no saying no, so with cash in pocket and dogs in tow its an adventuring we'd a went.

Not a scorcher by anyone's measure but sitting outside an Elwood cafe with a blue sky above and the sun filtering through the trees planted along the curb is a most delicious way to watch life ebb by. The air cool enough to enliven but the sun warm enough to make you slick back in your seat and the brain drift off to some place distant. Cafe life is an amazing thing, the rich and the poor drive by, the Porche, the Panelvan, a stream of wannabe's and some almost famous faces wander past oblivious to our muffled questioning, is that Ivor Davies? Hey its the guy from Tripod, god what a rough head.

A full belly is not usually an enticement for exercise but in fairness it was time for the doggies to enjoy their day in the sun as well, a quick drive away is a large reserve in which the dogged masses could run leash free and sniff anus for hours. They sniffed, ran, chased balls (manmade and k9) and slept on the backseat all the way home. Its definitely a dogs life if you have the right human.

Shorter, Fatter, Slower. An Olympic spirit.

G'day Humans.

Today I'll expand a little more on me. For all those who don't know the above heading sums up my body shape quite well. Imagine a barrel with legs, oh yeah throw in aging and greying; not a pretty sight I'll agree. I'm not sure when all this happened to my body, I always thought of myself as tall and slim, well tallish and ok not fat, but its been pointed out to me that this is not quite the case, most lately by my cardiologist.

If anybody hasn't realised it yet the laws of physics change with time, all the common laws you learnt in school do not apply as you get older, the most important thing that you need to know is that gravity is cumulative, as you age it has a stronger pull, most of your external appendages now point down more often, your internal organs will pool in the bottom of your stomach and your arse heads to the ground. The pull of gravity makes lifting your feet a chore, shuffling is more energy efficient than actually walking and you'll spend most of your time moving this way. One more thing, if you think tennis players grunt too much when exerting energy, just wait to you get old and have to get up out of a chair or heaven forbid a bean bag.

An angry man.

G'day humans.

This is a good way to start off isn't it? Yes I'm an angry man, but most of my friends know that already. No not violent, just usually pissed off and opinionated. Sometimes not always right, but those who know me rarely argue, I'm pig headed as well and will argue black is white even once its dawned on me that black is actually black. Just for the record, white is also black so shut-up and we'll get along famously.

I think most of the time my hostilities are argued internally, I do a lot of my angry in solitude, just me and the telly or the newspaper. (I've just had to include this link. this guy really gets me going. http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/sectionindex1/0,5442,dhs _andrewbolt^TEXT^heraldsun,00.html ) ( if your browser doesn't like long addresses you may have to go to the heraldsun web site and click on to the link to Andrew bolts articles) I often have a hard time finishing his articles as the more I read through them the angrier I get, I honestly believe he writes this dibble only to get a reaction, he couldn't possibly be that much of a red neck and believe this stuff... ) Anyway back to my rant, this is all about me me me.

Now I don't want you to think I'm not a happy guy, I love life and all its miseries; there's nothing better than to laugh at someone else's misfortunes (but in a good way - a Homer Simpson way) Luckily I've amassed a group of friends that also encompass this view, they may stumble accross this one day and argue differently but I know them and they know I'm right. I'll just add this rider, they all are wonderfully warm, funny, intelligent people but oh they're evil (said with little finger hooked at side of mouth).